Okay, I know this blog is supposed to be about me giving advice… about what I’ve learned and my mistakes and successes, but I’m not perfect. Dubya is not perfect. P1 and P2 are not perfect. There are certainly times where I need some advice and when I might need an outlet for those less than perfect aspects of someone or something.
I try very hard to “fight fair” when Dubya and I are having a problem or a disagreement but I am human. Sometimes I do get frustrated enough to lose my cool and yell, say not-so-nice words, etc.
Yes, we do have those moments. If anyone tries to tell me that they and their spouse/partner/etc. do not have those moments my first thought is that they are either full of it or they are so much alike that life must be rather boring.
So there is an issue we have that we haven’t been able to solve:
Dubya does not do well with too little or interrupted sleep. This became apparent when P1 was an infant.
In fact, in the hospital after P1’s birth (which included a likely unnecessary episiotomy and more than 12 stitches) I COULD NOT get him to wake up to help me AT ALL if he was asleep. I yelled so loud at one point that a nurse came in thinking that something was wrong. (Well something was… ever tried to get out of a hospital bed with more than a dozen stitches in your perineum?)
He was (and is) very helpful during the day but getting him to wake up at night to help is like trying to take a bloody steak away from a tiger… If you do manage to grab hold of the steak, you’re going to get your face ripped off (I LOVE YOU HONEY!!).
Don’t get me started on nights in the hospital after P2 was born.
P2 still wakes up in the wee hours of the morning. I ALWAYS get up and take care of her during the week, bringing her into our bed to nurse her. I have not perfected the art of getting her back into her own bed without waking her back up. Dubya can get her back in her own bed every time.
During the week, rather than wake him since he needs to get up for work, I let P2 sleep in our bed for the rest of the night. This results in me waking up with my back and neck hurting and a headache. I don’t know why, it just does. It is a choice I make willingly out of consideration for him having to get up for work.
Last night I got up to get P2 as always. I put her in our bed, lay down next to her and nursed her. For once she decided she was done eating before she was fully asleep. She needed her pacifier, which I couldn’t reach without waking her more because it was in her bed. Since it was a Friday night I asked Dubya to get it, which he did with only a bit of grumbling. Once she had the pacifier P2 relaxed and fell asleep.
Dubya went into the bathroom, came back, laid down and decided to start rubbing me like he was feeling frisky (I was just feeling tired). In the process he rubbed against P2 and woke her up. She promptly started crying. I told Dubya that since I had already been up with her and he woke her he needed to take care of her until she went back to sleep.
I put her next to him and he proceeded to ignore her and go back to sleep. I started to get angry.
“Take care of your daughter!” *shaking him*
With a plethora of complaints her sat up and began to try to rock her (after I told him she needed him to STAND UP, WALK and rock her). She screamed louder. I told him that wasn’t going to work and she needed him to WALK. He sat there for another five minutes or more (right next to me) and ignored me, preferring to sit and let her scream because he KNEW I would take her. At this point I was pissed. I took her and within about two minutes she was asleep (I, however, was far from it).
I was not a very fun person to be around (definitely not “fighting fair”… I was yelling and cussing to be honest, but it was the culmination of months, even years of frustration) for the rest of the morning while we got ready to go to an Easter event at Dubya’s work. Luckily for him that was a wonderful distraction for me and it greatly improved my mood (more on why in the next post).
This has been a problem since having P1 in 2009 but it has been especially bad with P2. Dubya bought me a breast pump when she was still a newborn so I could pump milk for him to feed her ONE night a week when he didn’t have to work the next day. I spent TWO DAYS trying to pump enough for him to take a feeding just for him to inform me that he WAS NOT getting up to warm a bottle up when I could give her some already warm milk from my breast.
“Then they the hell did you WASTE the money on the pump???” (me)
Oh and let’s not mention that I got eight hours of sleep in more than THREE DAYS when I gave birth to P2 and his response when I tried to get his help?
“Well ONE of us should get some sleep!” (Dubya)
“And why the hell should it be you??” (me)
Oh yea, he worked so hard giving birth to our baby… wait… that was me? I’m so tired I forgot.
Anyone have any help with this?
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