Post the Tenth – Easter Fun + Some Advice About Professional Pictures

Dubya has to work the occasional weekend, and as our luck would have it he is scheduled for this weekend. 7:00 am to 7:00 pm Saturday and Sunday. This Sunday (I’m sure you know) is Easter.

It’s not too awful usually. The twelve hour days are certainly more stressful but he gets two weekdays off to sort of make up for it and in the end works only eight hours more that pay period than when he doesn’t work a weekend. The suckiest part is that he gets the Thursday before the weekend and the Friday after the weekend off so he ends up working seven days in a row with the long weekend shifts at the beginning of it so we don’t get to recuperate from the weekend until a week later. The nice part is that when he has the Friday after off he gets a three day weekend.

This weekend, the only difference is that we had to move our Easter celebration to a day he had off. We went ahead and did it yesterday.

It was a really fun day. P1 especially had a blast… getting her Easter basket and hunting for Easter eggs. She also got to dye eggs for the first time.

Infected with severe “mommy brain”, I had also scheduled P2’s 5 month pictures (we do pictures monthly for the first year) for yesterday so that made things more ridiculously chaotic interesting.

We got up, showered, dressed, ate breakfast (well… Dubya and P1 ate breakfast while I did P1’s hair. I do get quite crazy creative with the hair) and went to our first picture appointment.

Why yes, I did say first picture appointment. Here’s your advice:

Many photography studios have an inexpensive package meant to reel you into the studio. This package is often limited to one pose, but you get around 15-32 pictures of the one pose (an 8x10, 2 5x7, 4 3.5x5, 8 or 16 wallets, and sometimes a 10x13 and/or 16 locket-sized pictures).

I have seen the package range from $4.99 - $8.99 at Picture Me Portrait Studio (in Wal-Mart Super Centers) and from $10 - $18 at other studios (Picture Me gives you the least pictures… 1 8x10, 2 5x7, 4 3.5x5, and 8 wallets. Other studios, such as Picture People or studios in JC Penny or Sears to name a few, usually include a 10x13 and often have16 wallets. The locket-sized pictures seem to be disappearing from most studios’ cheap packages but you can find them in the package sometimes).

We have spent $20 on the package once but that was also the one time it was not limited to one pose. Instead we got to get six sheets (a sheet is 1 8x10, 2 5x7, 8 wallets, etc.) in any sizes and any poses we wanted.

These studios will allow you to do this package as often as ONCE A MONTH (works perfectly for us *wink*).

SO… we go to 2 or 3 studios in the same day (so we don’t have to dress/do hair for pictures more than once) and get the super cheap package with maybe a few extra sheets at the per-sheet price and voilà! More pictures for less $.

Also, if you join the studios’ clubs it costs a little up front but you often get a free 8x10 every time you come in or something else that easily makes up for the cost of the membership. At Picture Me we get a free 8x10 every time we go in and either 40% off or unlimited buy one get one free depending on the day (plus you can get a free 10x13 online as a reorder).

So just from Picture me we get the 15 pictures for (on average) $7, 2 or 3 sheets (these are either $10 each but we get 2 of each sheet for that, that’s how they do the buy one get one free… or $6 each if we take 40% off but then we only get one of each sheet), a free 8x10, and a free 10x13 (with $5.99 shipping). That is a lot of pictures from a studio for only $31 or $43. If we bought all of that sheet by sheet it would come out to $100 or $130.

Then we do pretty much the same thing (but usually buy less) at a second and, rarely, third place.

Sorry if that is all confusing. I tried to be as clear as possible.

Anyway, I digress. After the morning pictures we came home and did Easter baskets.

Here is P1’s

P2’s

P2 checking out her basket

Then we had lunch and Dubya took the girls upstairs while I hid eggs. We had 45 eggs to hide so that took a little bit of time. It’s hard to be sure what is hidden, without being too hard to find for a preschooler. Most of the eggs were pretty easy to spot but I tried to make a few fairly challenging, without being too frustrating for her.

Eggs in our back patio area

Eggs in our living room

Eggs in our front yard

Once I got all the eggs hidden Dubya brought the girls down and the hunting commenced.

P1 finding an egg in the front yard

P2 getting an egg off the sidewalk

P1 found an egg in the patio area

I made Dubya take a picture of their egg hunting buckets after they were done. I’d say they got a good haul.

Buckets o’ eggs

After our egg hunting adventures (and after P1 had eaten probably more than a dozen pieces of candy. She kept sneaking it when Mommy and Daddy weren’t looking), we headed back out for our second (and last) picture appointment for the day. Thanks to all the candy you couldn’t even tell P1 had missed her nap in all the craziness and the second appointment went more smoothly than the morning one (I had been afraid it would be a disaster because it was supposed to be 4 hours earlier but then they called and rescheduled it to later in the day, causing us to be unable to have said nap).

We came home, ate dinner and dyed Easter eggs with P1 for the first time.

Pretty eggs. I did the drawing. At almost-three P1 isn’t quite that artistic yet. Not that I am artistic… I’m NOT.

All in all it was a busy but awesome day.

Post the Ninth - New Friends?

 I’m not an introverted person. I’m not extremely outgoing either. It really depends on the situation I suppose but one area in which I tend to be less outgoing is joining in on conversations with people I don’t know.

You know the scenario. You’re in a public place and a couple (or a group) of people strike up a conversation. You overhear and have something to contribute but you don’t know if they will welcome your input or be offended that you were listening.

I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t drive. I live in a city FAR from my family and childhood/high school friends. We have lived here for going on 3 years and in that time I have made maybe half a dozen friends, most of whom have moved away or are about to move away. Later this month I will be down to one person that isn’t my husband or my girls that I really get to spend time with. It’s quite rare that I get to have a conversation that doesn’t involve Scooby Doo.

Understandably I go a little crazy at times.

At the Easter event at Dubya’s work, while we were standing in line waiting to get P1’s face painted, there were three women in front of us talking about the Easter egg hunt. P1 was in the 0-2 year category (I would have put her in 3-5 but Dubya signed her up). The way the 0-2 hunt works, they set up a big, open area with eggs just scattered all over the ground in plain view. Since the kids are so young the parents walk with them as they pick up eggs. It is easy to understand why the parents go with them. Some of the children can’t even walk and the ones who can might get knocked down or lost in the group of adults with the kids who can’t. So yes, even our almost-3-year-old P1 was accompanied by her Daddy.

While it is understandable that the parents accompany their babies and toddlers, it also presents some problems:

• The company Dubya works for is very large. There are a LOT of people who turn up for the family events at Easter, Halloween and Christmas time. There are a lot of families with children in the 0-2 year range… So there are a lot of kids and a lot of parents participating in the egg hunt. This means that any one child (and parent) has a sea of other children and their parents to try to fight through to get any eggs. If you aren’t at the front of the group, by the time you get to a place that had eggs it has been picked clean.

• Parents get competitive and selfish. Parents not only do not limit the number of eggs they will allow their children to collect, but many even encourage their children to get more eggs than they should. (Last year, when I went into the fray with P1, we even had a parent urging their child to snatch an egg that P1 was reaching for right out from under her nose. I had to tell the child, “No. She was trying to pick that egg up. Let her get it please.”) Our rule is that P1 may get no more than 4 eggs (this year Dubya had trouble even helping her get that many, it was so bad). The reasons we do this are that she will get to go to other egg hunts (just this year there are four… one at Dubya’s work, one at Sam’s Club, one at home, one at church), we want to try to limit how much candy she has, and we want to teach her consideration for the other children and make sure everyone gets some of the eggs.As I stood waiting for Dubya and P1 (who were still struggling to get even a second egg), two children and their parents walked over next to me. One child’s bucket was filled to the brim with colorful plastic eggs (at least a dozen, likely more). The other child’s mother was bragging to the mother of the first “He got TEN eggs!” The child was barely old enough to walk and certainly was unlikely to have gotten ten eggs without a lot of encouragement (I remember when P1 was that age she would get one or two eggs and then was more interested in opening them than getting more). If there were 100 children participating in the egg hunt, at 10 eggs each the company would have to provide 1,000 candy filled eggs JUST for the 0-2 age group. They also do 3-5 and 6-10 age groups.P1 finished the hunt with four eggs, two or three of which she got because a volunteer running the egg hunt dropped them near her after most of the other kids were gone. At least the people running the event try to remedy the issue by giving eggs to the children who get bullied and ignored by greedy parents.

The women in front of us were talking about their kids experiences with the 0-2 egg hunt. They were talking about how many people there were and how few eggs their children were able to get. I thought about jumping in with the point about limiting the number of eggs we allowed our daughter to get and how much better it would be if the company tried to encourage parents to stick to a set number but wasn’t sure if I should.

I finally jumped in and the four of us had a lovely conversation (and no one even mentioned  Scooby!). I found out that all three of the other women were stay-at-home moms as well and that they all wanted more adult interaction. I must have been feeling especially brave because I suggested that we all get together for some play dates (or as I think of them, mom dates). We all exchanged phone numbers and hopefully will be getting together sometime soon.

Looks like stepping outside my comfort zone might have paid off. One thing is for sure… Even if none of these ladies actually follows through with any plans to get together, I’ve promised myself to put myself out there more in the hopes that I can have some mommy friends. After all… If I offend someone by trying to join the conversation I’ll likely never see them again anyway

BUT

If I join in and we hit it off, I just might.

Post the Eighth – Sleepless in Mama H-ville

Okay, I know this blog is supposed to be about me giving advice… about what I’ve learned and my mistakes and successes, but I’m not perfect. Dubya is not perfect. P1 and P2 are not perfect. There are certainly times where I need some advice and when I might need an outlet for those less than perfect aspects of someone or something.

I try very hard to “fight fair” when Dubya and I are having a problem or a disagreement but I am human. Sometimes I do get frustrated enough to lose my cool and yell, say not-so-nice words, etc.

Yes, we do have those moments. If anyone tries to tell me that they and their spouse/partner/etc. do not have those moments my first thought is that they are either full of it or they are so much alike that life must be rather boring.

So there is an issue we have that we haven’t been able to solve:

Dubya does not do well with too little or interrupted sleep. This became apparent when P1 was an infant.

In fact, in the hospital after P1’s birth (which included a likely unnecessary episiotomy and more than 12 stitches) I COULD NOT get him to wake up to help me AT ALL if he was asleep. I yelled so loud at one point that a nurse came in thinking that something was wrong. (Well something was… ever tried to get out of a hospital bed with more than a dozen stitches in your perineum?)

He was (and is) very helpful during the day but getting him to wake up at night to help is like trying to take a bloody steak away from a tiger… If you do manage to grab hold of the steak, you’re going to get your face ripped off (I LOVE YOU HONEY!!).

Don’t get me started on nights in the hospital after P2 was born.

P2 still wakes up in the wee hours of the morning. I ALWAYS get up and take care of her during the week, bringing her into our bed to nurse her. I have not perfected the art of getting her back into her own bed without waking her back up. Dubya can get her back in her own bed every time.

During the week, rather than wake him since he needs to get up for work, I let P2 sleep in our bed for the rest of the night. This results in me waking up with my back and neck hurting and a headache. I don’t know why, it just does. It is a choice I make willingly out of consideration for him having to get up for work.

Last night I got up to get P2 as always. I put her in our bed, lay down next to her and nursed her. For once she decided she was done eating before she was fully asleep. She needed her pacifier, which I couldn’t reach without waking her more because it was in her bed. Since it was a Friday night I asked Dubya to get it, which he did with only a bit of grumbling. Once she had the pacifier P2 relaxed and fell asleep.

Dubya went into the bathroom, came back, laid down and decided to start rubbing me like he was feeling frisky (I was just feeling tired). In the process he rubbed against P2 and woke her up. She promptly started crying. I told Dubya that since I had already been up with her and he woke her he needed to take care of her until she went back to sleep.

I put her next to him and he proceeded to ignore her and go back to sleep. I started to get angry.

“Take care of your daughter!” *shaking him*

With a plethora of complaints her sat up and began to try to rock her (after I told him she needed him to STAND UP, WALK and rock her). She screamed louder. I told him that wasn’t going to work and she needed him to WALK. He sat there for another five minutes or more (right next to me) and ignored me, preferring to sit and let her scream because he KNEW I would take her. At this point I was pissed. I took her and within about two minutes she was asleep (I, however, was far from it).

I was not a very fun person to be around (definitely not “fighting fair”… I was yelling and cussing to be honest, but it was the culmination of months, even years of frustration) for the rest of the morning while we got ready to go to an Easter event at Dubya’s work. Luckily for him that was a wonderful distraction for me and it greatly improved my mood (more on why in the next post).

This has been a problem since having P1 in 2009 but it has been especially bad with P2. Dubya bought me a breast pump when she was still a newborn so I could pump milk for him to feed her ONE night a week when he didn’t have to work the next day. I spent TWO DAYS trying to pump enough for him to take a feeding just for him to inform me that he WAS NOT getting up to warm a bottle up when I could give her some already warm milk from my breast.

“Then they the hell did you WASTE the money on the pump???” (me)

Oh and let’s not mention that I got eight hours of sleep in more than THREE DAYS when I gave birth to P2 and his response when I tried to get his help?

“Well ONE of us should get some sleep!” (Dubya)

“And why the hell should it be you??” (me)

Oh yea, he worked so hard giving birth to our baby… wait… that was me? I’m so tired I forgot.

Anyone have any help with this?

**I love my husband very much and I am very blessed to have him. We all have our flaws and he really does so much during the day. If I could SLEEP during the day this wouldn’t be so bad**

Post the Seventh – IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!!

I had an awful mommy moment yesterday… I felt SOOOO bad. BUT today my darling little P1 told me something that made me realize that my guilt was truly unwarranted.
Here’s what happened:

Yesterday I put P1 in her room… her VERY toddler/preschooler-proofed room… for her daily nap. She is generally in there for about 3-4 hours (about ½ hour or a little more to fall asleep and then 2.5-3 hours of sleep). I am quite lucky in that respect J.

Her room has its own bathroom that is kept locked unless Dubya or I need to help her use the potty or give her a bath (which doesn’t happen often. She usually just takes a shower with one of us because her bath tub holds water about as well as a colander). The bathroom is somewhat childproofed, but definitely not safe for her to be in unsupervised. The toilet doesn’t have a lock, the cabinets do not either (though they are mostly empty), etc…

Some time ago, before she really started to pick up on potty training (therefore the bathroom wasn’t used much), a wet pull-up ended up put in the trash can in there. It was probably in there for more than a week before we went in the room again to make sure it was clean enough for some company to take showers in it while they visited (we REALLY never used the room). As I’m sure you can imagine… the smell was less than pleasant (we no longer have a trash can in that room to avoid it happening again… plus we’ve switched to cloth training pants to go with P2’s cloth diapers). After emptying the trash can, scrubbing it out, cleaning the rest of the bathroom and plugging in an air purifier, it still needed something so I plugged in an oil burner as well.

The smell was gone by the time our company arrived but I left the oil burner in there, seeing no reason to remove it. The bathroom was always locked, after all. By the way, the lock is the kind you can unlock with a fingernail or a butter knife or something. I know, I’m frigging brilliant…

While P1 was upstairs yesterday, she somehow got into the bathroom. I went upstairs to find her in the bathroom and the oil burner (which had maybe a tablespoon of oil in it at most) empty. She initially told me she cleaned the oil burner with a flushable wipe but I could smell it on her mouth and when I asked if she ate it she said yes. I guessed she must have tasted it but wiped most of it away with the wipe. I don’t think she would have consumed much. It HAS to taste AWFUL!

Still, as a mom, you can’t help but think of the “what if’s”. What if she had consumed more of it? The bottle of oil, with it’s very un-childproof lid, was in there as well… What if she drank some from it? What if it made her really sick or even *gulp* killed her?

**Okay, seriously… I’m a MOM. I’m allowed to be a little crazy (or batsh…spit INSANE) when I think about something bad happening to my baby (er, I mean… “BIG girl”. Sorry P1).**

“I MUST have left the door unlocked! How could I have been so careless?? It was ALL MY FAULT!! I must be a horrible mother!”

That’s how I felt yesterday…

Today I took her upstairs to get ready for her nap. She had to potty so I took her into the bathroom (now empty of everything but towels, washcloths, toilet paper and children’s shampoo. All of which is up on a shelf she can’t reach… Have you ever tried to clean ½ a bottle of soap off of the floor? It SUCKS!).

As I was unlocking the bathroom door with my thumbnails, my darling almost-three-year-old runs over saying, “Mommy, stop. Don’t use your thumbs! Use this (indicating part of a toy that was just perfect to fit in the lock). ‘Member? Yesterday? I use this and I go in there and touch stuff and eat stuff.”

Suddenly the room got painfully bright and I heard a joyful refrain that could only have been sung by angels:

“Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Halle-e-lu-jah!!!”

IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!!!!



My kid’s just too damn smart… I thought we were supposed to want our kids to be intelligent…

The toy is no longer in her room.

Have any of you ever had that awful mommy moment only to find out it wasn’t your fault at all? Did you feel relieved that you weren’t to blame or terrified of what your kid would figure out next? For me it’s a pretty even mix of both. And why does she have to EAT EVERYTHING???

Post the Sixth - Detoxing

Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as the title sounds.

I’ve had a long-time (most of my life, in fact) love affair with a substance than most anyone you speak to will say, hands down, is very bad for you. Anyone who knows me already knows exactly what I am talking about.

This substance, while amazingly delicious, is bad for your overall health. It is bad for your teeth, it can contribute to users being overweight, it is bad for the kidneys, liver and stomach lining… It is full of sugar, empty calories and carbohydrates, acids, chemicals… It can be addictive.

My “drug” of choice has changed over the years. As a child for a time I was hooked on root beer (at least that one was caffeine free). In middle school and early high school I had a loving relationship with cherry coke. In early high school I think they altered the flavor of cherry coke and suddenly I found myself leaving my beloved cherry coke for regular coca cola, which I have remained faithful to ever since (with the occasional flirtation with pepsi (EW!) when there was no coke to be found in a restaurant). When I was younger other sodas would do but milk was only tolerable with copious amounts of chocolate and water was pretty much never an option.

As an adult (especially with my first pregnancy) I sucked it up and began drinking bottled water, but it has to be cold. In fact, during the first half of my pregnancy with P1 I drank almost no soda at all (so I HAD to drink water). Then I found out that I could actually have more caffeine than there is in one can of coke each day with no known effects on the baby. I don’t think I drank a coke every day for the rest of the pregnancy but I definitely drank a lot more than I had been.

With P2 it was more so the opposite. I drank a can of coke most days in the beginning, but about half way through I had my glucose test and the result was borderline. After a second test (better but still not great) I was declared “glucose intolerant”. Immediately after not passing the first test I called my diabetic mother to hash out a “diet” for myself that mostly involved eating the same foods I had been but with smaller portions of carbs and larger portions of proteins. I also almost completely cut out coke and sweets. These changes probably helped the second test come out better than the first.

I also had a third test, closer to the end of the pregnancy, just to check and make sure the changes to my diet were enough. I passed that one.

I still eat much better than I did before (as far as carb:protein ratio and less candy and such) but I gradually slipped back into my old coca cola habit and, once again, I drink about 12-36 oz. a day. Usually closer to 12.

Though I was losing weight at an amazing pace after P2 was born (now weighing around what I weighed before getting pregnant with P1), I have now hit a plateau. I am hoping to lose another 15-20 lbs. I also have noticed lately that I get a headache if I wait until too late in the day to drink coke and that I get a burning feeling in my stomach when I do drink it. I also have several baby teeth still and have really been feeling like I need to take better care of my teeth. OH AND I’m trying to cut the amount of money we are spending in every area possible (that is a big one).

Because of all of these reasons I have decided I AM kicking the habit. I am choosing to taper off because a) you are less likely to return to the habit if you quit gradually, as opposed to “cold turkey” and b) I can’t care for children while home alone with them if I have a debilitating withdrawal headache. I will be finished with coke by my P1’s third birthday next month. She won’t know it, but it is going to be one of her biggest birthday presents… A healthier Mommy who will hopefully have more time to spend here on earth with her as a result of making healthier choices. PLUS, she has been getting pretty interested in drinking my coke whenever I have any (I mostly do not let her) and I want to remove the temptation before she gets the idea that it is acceptable to have all the time.

I’m not going to say my kids, Dubya, or even I can’t have any soda EVER… but from P1’s birthday on it will be a special treat when we go out to eat (which is rare). We’ll all have to learn to practice self-control and MODERATION.

What habits do you have that you need to get under control so that they don’t have a negative influence on your children? Are there any habits, in your opinion, that are okay to practice but tell your children it is unacceptable for them to do the same?

Post the Fifth - A Heavier Subject *TRIGGER*

I don’t know why I do it to myself, but once in a while I end up reading stories, posts, news articles, etc. written by survivors of rape or that are about sexual attacks. I am a survivor of rape/incest and I definitely can understand why people write these stories and posts online. It is very therapeutic. I will likely end up writing some, or all, of my story on here at some point.

The truth is, the longer I am in a stable, loving relationship with my husband… The longer my life remains happy and safe, for myself and my children… The less these things I read take me back to things I do not want to remember. When they do take me back, I dwell on it less and less.

There will never be a time that I don’t remember. There will never be a time that reading news stories about those kind of assaults (especially involving children) will not rip my heart out of my chest. There will never be a time that I am not living in fear of my children being hurt in that way because the terrifying truth is that it is quite likely it will happen at some point in their lives.

As much as it is wrong that our rape culture is more focused on teaching girls and women “don’t get raped” rather than teaching potential rapists “don’t rape”, all I can do is teach my children how to protect themselves and what to do after the fact when and if it does happen.

I REFUSE to teach them to live in fear of dressing how they choose, of going out at night (even just to walk from work to their car), or anything else that women “shouldn’t do” in order to “protect themselves from rape” (as if rape, or preventing it, is THEIR responsibility, rather than the rapists’)… But sadly I do feel I need to make sure they learn a form of self defense (to protect themselves from any crime, not just sexual ones) and that they should never wash away evidence and that they should get to the police and/or hospital as soon as possible so that the evidence can be collected. And, the most horrible to think about of all, that if they feel their life is in danger they should cooperate with the attacker (note: that does not mean CONSENT).

I just pray that I find the right balance of making sure they know what to do, without making them fear a possible attack around every corner.

I was reading something the other day about why a woman planned on taking her 9 year old daughter to SlutWalk (I have a very strong desire to participate in one myself and plan to take my children to one or something like it when they are older) and the comments were filled with people condemning her for taking her young daughter out to parade around in inappropriate clothing (after she had clearly stated they would be dressed conservatively) and people saying they didn’t want their daughters to be getting the message that dressing/acting like a slut was okay (these things are summarized, not quoting any particular comment).

I felt compelled to post a comment as well, though after I submitted it I realized that the post  was older than I realized and I don’t think my comment will end up visible there so I thought I’d post it here.

Comment below:

Why are there so many people commenting on SlutWalk without taking the time to find out WHAT IT IS or even to READ the post they are commenting on?

Oh, wait. Nevermind... these must be the same people that would call a woman a "slut" based on something superficial, such as the way she is dressed, while having absolutely no knowledge of her personal character.

SlutWalk actually has very little to do with going out in lingerie or hot pants (of course some participants choose to do so and they have every right to do so without fear that they will be attacked). In fact, the author CLEARLY stated that she and her daughter would be wearing CONSERVATIVE clothing (jeans and t-shirts hardly sound like they are walking around in their underwear to me anyway...).

SlutWalk is about taking away the word's power to hurt our daughters and granddaughters... It is about eradicating the messages that rape is okay in ANY circumstance, or that the VICTIM could ever be more at fault than the PERPETRATOR. It is about the fact that too many women grow up with the EXPECTATION that they WILL be sexually assaulted and they WILL be blamed for it no matter what they were doing, where they were, what they were wearing... They were "asking for it" by the sheer fact of being a woman. It is mothers living in fear for their daughters. It's not having to find that perfect (read: nonexistent) balance between dressing provocatively enough that the chauvinistic pig interviewing you for the job you need to pay your bills might glance in your direction (because society tells us we must and tells him it is acceptable to ignore us if we don't) but not so provocatively that if he assaults you it will be "your fault".

SlutWalk IS about the "sluts" who are subjected to rape. The prostitutes, the partiers, the women who thought they were out on an innocent date, the lesbian who is being "shown what it's like to be with a man" because she "just doesn't know what she's missing", the toddler assaulted by Daddy or Uncle or Grandpa (was s/he "asking for it?), the elementary school or even high school student assaulted by a classmate or teacher, the woman walking to her car at night or riding the subway, the man blackmailed or overpowered by his abuser (male or female), the teenager sold into sex trafficking, the wife whose husband thinks it is his RIGHT, that he OWNS her body... What about Middle Eastern women, oppressed and forced to hide under heavy black burkas? Are they "asking for it"? Did she show too much eyebrow? Did he catch a glimpse of her hand? Her ankle?

How much do you have to show to make rape okay? At what point are you showing enough to make it "your fault"??? Who gets to decide? A male judge? The police officer? Your rapist??

No means NO. I don't care if both (or all 3, or 4...) people are naked and he has already put a condom on... if they are married and have been having sex for years... Rape is NEVER okay and a woman will NEVER be asking for it (because if she was it wouldn't be RAPE).

Post the Fourth - Crunchy

I know in my first post I said that I consider myself a fairly crunchy mama and listed several examples of what I feel makes me so. However, I’m sure many people might notice that one of the main things that people think of when they hear the words “crunchy mama” was absent. How can you be a crunchy mama and not mention cloth diapers?

First, let’s discuss just what makes a mama “crunchy”, at least as I understand it. “Crunchy” as is used to describe a parenting style refers to a parent who tries to make choices that are healthier for their family and for the environment. Some parents, like me, might also choose these crunchy parenting options because they often tend to be cheaper. Cloth diapering often seems to be a requirement for being considered crunchy, but some other crunchy choices are exclusively breastfeeding (especially for the first 6 months or longer), extended breastfeeding (I will breastfeed AT LEAST until P2 is 2), making one’s own baby food (especially organic baby food) and feeding the rest of your family organic foods. Other choices that are sometimes equated with being crunchy (but I believe are merely traits that are often possessed by crunchy parents, without actually contributing to their “crunchiness”) are “attachment parenting” choices (attachment parents tend to want to be close with their children physically and emotionally, leading them to make choices that foster this closeness) such as babywearing, homeschooling, gentle discipline (without hitting or yelling), etc.

I’ve heard people say “that sounds more like hippie parenting”. That’s actually what crunchy means indirectly. The term “crunchy” implies that a parent is “crunchy like granola” which “hippie types” often eat. I, personally, am not a huge fan J.

I’m sure there are many choices I have not mentioned and to be “crunchy” one does not have to do all of these things (though there are degrees of “crunchiness”… slightly crunchy, crispy, crunchier than grape nuts, etc.). Cloth diapering and breastfeeding do often seem to almost be requirements though.

What does that mean about me? Well, I didn’t say I cloth diaper, but I didn’t say I DON’T either. The truth is, just over a week ago when I first typed up that post in a word document on my computer I would have said NEVER. The LAST thing I would do is cloth diaper.

But, just a day or 2 AFTER writing that post, I went even crunchier. On March 11, 2012 I decided to try out Elimination Communication, or EC.

That morning I took my 4 month old baby’s diaper of and it STAYED off until I got her ready for bed that night. That’s right, I’m either very brave or freaking crazy because I left my infant diaper free for more than 12 hours. But the thing is, you don’t need to be brave or crazy to do it. The truth is… P2 has been diaperless at least as much as, if not more than, she has been diapered ever since.

Now I know you’re thinking “My goodness the mess! She must pee and poop everywhere!!”

Nope. Actually, most of the time she pees and poops in the potty. “In the potty?!?!” Yes, in the potty.

Babies give signals when they need to eliminate and the parent can learn to recognize those signals. Using this communication as well as learning your baby’s rhythm (Do they have to go immediately on waking? 5 minutes after nursing or taking a bottle? Etc.) and the parents’ own intuition it can be anticipated when the child needs to go so the parent can take them to the potty.

Other times she goes on a towel or absorbent/waterproof pad (that seems contradictory but it totally works) that I lay her on if I have to put her down and leave her there for a bit. Keeping her on the pad can be a bit of a challenge though, as she is just over 5 months now and already beginning to try to crawl and manages to scoot and roll all over the place. Alas, misses (not accidents, there’s that semantics thing again) do happen and there have been a handful of times that a bit of pee found its way on me, Dubya or the carpet but it truly is no more work to clean up than the diapers we no longer have to change and we sometimes got peed on when we were exclusively diapering anyway.

Here are a few links for anyone interested in learning more about how to practice EC and begin pottying (NOT POTTY TRAINING the 2 are very different) their baby. You can start from birth or begin later… unless your child is independently using the potty I don’t believe it is ever too late.

z  http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/

z  http://freetoec.webs.com/

z  http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/baby/elimination-communication.htm

z  http://www.tribalbaby.org/ECindex.html

z  http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/elimination-communication.html

Also, about the cloth diapering thing, I am trying to find someone help me make some cloth diapers for P2 (I want to make them myself because I have some specific characteristics I want them to have to make EC easier) to use as backup for when we are out and about, at bedtime (she doesn’t pee in her sleep, I don’t think any babies do, but in case she has enough time between waking and when I take her to potty), and any other time I want her diapered because I am SICK of paying for disposable diapers and SICK of the chemical smell when they get wet and the extra trash, etc.

Post the Third - Relationship Discussions Sometimes Involve Sex

So I am not a modest person… I nurse in public with no cover, I talk to people about intimate things with no shame or embarrassment, I have no problem with others seeing my body (except in the fact that it doesn’t look as good as I would like it to)... I will give you warning ahead of time that I will likely talk about sex, my sexuality/sexual orientation, and both physically and emotionally intimate details of my relationship with Dubya. It is simply who I am and if I feel it might be enlightening to others (or like responses from readers might be enlightening to me), I will likely talk about it. After all, if I am going to talk about ways I think you can keep your romantic relationships healthy, interesting and thriving, overlooking sex would be negligent.

I will not, however, be writing erotica. I will only include details if and when I feel they are necessary to make the point.

On to the story here:

The other night Dubya and I managed to find some time for each other. I don’t understand exactly what happened but the emotional connection was so intense for me that I started crying in the middle of everything. I wasn’t sad or upset… I wouldn’t say they were happy tears either. I honestly couldn’t begin to try to explain the emotions I was feeling or what exactly caused those feelings to come about. It was an absolutely transcendent, almost spiritual connection that completely overwhelmed and consumed me. It sounds strange but I have only felt so complete 3 times in my life: the first time I saw P1, the first time I saw P2, and the other night with Dubya.

Dubya does not know how to handle tears. His response is almost always to either ignore them or to get defensive (neither will ever be the right response, love). But even he must have felt some of the intensity because afterwards he noticed the tears on my face and got this huge grin on his face (God, I love his smile! It was the first thing I fell in love with about him… That is a great story for another post) and said, “was it that good”?

I just snuggled up against him and fell asleep smiling.

Now I am determined to somehow recreate that feeling, but I don’t know how. I am absolutely addicted to it. I am sure I just have to accept that it is not something you can plan or make happen. It was an amazing, special moment that will happen again when and if it is supposed to. As much as I want it to happen again, it truly wouldn’t be as wonderful if I could just make it happen at will.

Has anyone else experienced what I’m talking about or am I unique in this? If anyone has experienced it, can you explain it better than I have?

Post the Second - "Too Young"

So, the “too young” topic…

I’ll preface this by warning my readers that I am a very opinionated person, who can get quite passionate in voicing or defending said opinions. I concede that others have every right to their own opinions and my main goal is understanding, not forcing others to share my opinions (though if I could change a few people’s minds on certain subjects I certainly would not mind). I simply want to understand others’ opinions and for them to understand mine. If that understanding comes with either party changing their opinion, that’s fine. If both parties come to an understanding but agree to disagree, that’s fine as well. I simply ask that everyone try to be respectful in any discussions and PLEASE DO NOT FEED TROLLS.

NOTE: As I’m sure you can see I do have a habit (which annoys Dubya greatly) of using caps, bold, underlining, etc for emphasis, not yelling. If I am yelling IT WILL LIKELY LOOK MORE LIKE THIS!!!! and it is unlikely to really happen anyway. I apologize if it causes any confusion, it is just how my personality translates to text.

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I digress. The “too young” thing. I honestly do not believe there is such a thing as “too young” to feel a given emotion, perform a task, or understand a concept. I believe there is too juvenile, too immature,  too naïve… but not “too young”.

I realize that many people use “too young” when they mean “too immature” (hence the quotation marks around too young) but as a self-proclaimed language fanatic, grammar freak and vocabulary aficionado, I feel that semantics are often much more important than people want to believe.

How something is said… the phraseology, the inflection and tone, the body language… is usually at least as important, if not more so than what is being said. It is like calling someone who has been attacked a victim or a survivor. In both cases it means that the person has been attacked, but using the word “victim” makes it sound as though they are broken and weak, whereas “survivor” makes them sound strong and like they have overcome it.

I understand that sometimes an age restriction must be set in order to regulate something. Some examples are being allowed to drink legally, consenting to sex, etc. These things need to be regulated by laws and it would be much more difficult to decide on a case-by-case basis if an individual is capable of the maturity and responsibility needed.

However, what about those who are “too young” to fall in love, “too young” to understand where babies come from or any other “adult” concepts? At what point are you “old enough”?

I met my husband when I was 16. We moved in together when I was 17. He proposed a couple of months later and we got married when I was 18, just a couple of weeks after I graduated from high school. A month after we got married I became pregnant with our first child, P1, and she was born when I was 19. Was I “too young”? Our marriage is still great now, almost 4 years later. We disagree at times, sometimes more passionately than others. We’ve had our share of rough patches including a (thankfully short) period of time with no income just months after P1 was born, issues with sex, emotional issues related to P1’s birth (which was a bit traumatic for me, more on that in another post), financial strain, little to no time to connect with one another sans children… some issues easier to handle than others.

We have also had our share of wonderful experiences including our wedding (I’ll never forget how he cried, just a little, as he said his vows) and honeymoon, P1’s birth (confusing how it can be traumatic and also one of the best days of our lives), P2’s birth (which was a huge healing experience for the whole family, more on that in another post as well), overcoming the rough patches together and coming out stronger because of them. I am certainly not perfect, but regardless of my age I am a good wife and mother who could not be more dedicated or devoted to my husband or my children.

So if 16 is not “too young” to meet your life partner and fall in love, and an 18 year old, just out of high school can be “old enough” to get married, conceive and become a mother at 19… how about 10? Is 10 “too young” to take the first steps in this journey of finding your true love, the person you will marry and raise children with?

My own brother was just 10 years old when he met and began “going out with” the girl he would eventually marry. He proposed to her (on one knee, with a diamond ring… the whole 9 yards) when they were 14. We also moved 2 states away when he was 14 but they maintained a long-distance relationship for 3 long years before she became pregnant when they were 17. He moved back to our hometown to live with our grandparents shortly before they started their senior year of high school. They were married that December and their first daughter was born the following February. They both finished high school and went on to college. He cares for the children (they now have 3 girls) while she goes to school full-time. She has gotten one degree in teaching but immediately started working on another because she would not be able to teach what she wanted to teach without the second degree. She is a very strong woman and loving mother who wants the best for her children. Their third child was born on a Friday and she was back in class the following Monday so that she could finish her first degree on time but she still pumped so that her baby could be fed breast milk. They celebrated their 6^th wedding anniversary in December 2011. Things would likely have been easier for them if they had not been in school when they became parents but they have always had the maturity to do the things they needed to do.

I am definitely not advocating getting pregnant or married in, or even right out of, high school. I am simply asking parents to think about it the next time they want to tell their children they are “too young”.

“Too young” neglects to recognize that our children are individuals with their own experiences, their own level of maturity and responsibility, their own beliefs and convictions, their own thoughts and emotions. “Too young” can be just as harmful as any other stereotype. The next time you are tempted to use the words “too young” ask yourself why the person is “too young” and why they feel they are “old enough”. Ask them more about their feelings and let them know that it is okay to feel them, while helping them think through why it might not be a good idea to act on them if you believe they shouldn’t (but accept that they very well might have valid reasons for thinking that they should). Do not invalidate their feelings but help them come to a mature, thought-out conclusion about how to act on their feelings (if they come to the conclusion themselves they will likely stick with the decision, whereas if you simply TELL them what to do they will likely rebel). Children of all ages respond much better if you acknowledge that they are thinking, feeling people who are capable of reasoning and solving problems with guidance, rather than simply telling them “do this” or “don’t do this” followed by a big, fat “BECAUSE I SAID SO”.

Do you ever tell your kids they are too young or use the “because I said so” card? When might it be okay to do so?

Post the First - Introductions

I am a 22 year old woman. I know what many of you are thinking. “That’s so young, what can she possibly know about love, family and making relationships work?”

I’m right aren’t I? I honestly thought quite a bit about whether I should even mention that. Would anyone take me seriously? Would they read that first sentence and simply move on because the author of the blog is “simply too young to know what she is talking about”? Perhaps…

But perhaps they would be “old” enough and mature enough to understand that such generalizations do not account for life experiences or the fact that everyone is their own person with their own ideas, beliefs, maturity levels and capacity for learning, understanding, feeling, growth, loving…

So I shall reiterate. I am a 22 year old woman. Not girl, not child, not even young adult. I have my own beliefs and opinions (trust me, you’ll learn all about those J), my own dreams and desires, my own home with my husband and children (I have 2) and we do just fine.  We are not perfect, no one is, but we do okay so I thought I might share my 2 cents on family and relationships in case it might benefit anyone else.

My next post will discuss my opinion J on the “too young” sentiment, but for now I will just introduce myself and my family.

z  Me (The Mama) -- You guys can think of me as Mama H. I’ve told you my age. I am a stay-at-home mom. I guess I would consider myself fairly “crunchy” and an attachment parent. I breastfeed, babywear, plan to homeschool at least until 2^nd grade, plan to make my own baby food (didn’t for first child) and believe in using gentle discipline and teaching through example. There will be little to no “do what I say, not what I do” in my house. I have taken one year of college classes online but decided to stop for the time being due to issues with the school and to focus more on my family. My favorite things to do are spend time with my family, sing, read, write, craft and watch funny movies.

z  The Husband/The Daddy – We’ll call this wonderful man I love Dubya. That’s what his friends call him anyway… He is 25 years old. He is a tech geek and works as a support analyst for a large Healthcare IT company in our area. As of right now he is our sole breadwinner. I guess I shouldn’t say breadwinner, as our oldest is already under the impression that he brings bacon home from work each day. He is a loving father and husband and a wonderful provider. We would all be lost without him. True to his geekiness his favorite pastimes include anything computer related, reading manga, doing math problems (for fun! *GAG*), playing video games and educating our children about important things, like Star Wars. When he gets to pick the movie we end up watching something sci-fi and/or action packed, like Die Hard or Aliens. He is also a dedicated Brony.

z  The Princess – We’ll call my oldest P1. She will be 3 next month. She is a beautiful, intelligent little girl (I swear I’m not biased at all!). She is very active, a huge daredevil, very independent and mostly well behaved. She loves to dress up and wear jewelry and puts up with Mommy’s obsession with styling her hair (she likes the end result, but only tolerates the styling process). She loves Scooby Doo, Dora, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Rugrats and Disney Princesses (her favorite is Ariel. I always said Ariel would be her favorite whether she liked her or not lol). She also loves to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic with her Daddy. She sings and dances and makes my life brighter in every possible way.

z  The Pumpkin – We’ll call this littlest member of the family P2. She is just 4 months old and was born in October 2011 (that’s why we call her Pumpkin). She is… higher maintenance than her big sister and thinks she needs to be held almost constantly. Her volume settings are limited to 0, 2 and 11. She seems to prefer 11. Her favorite pastimes are nursing (while pinching and scratching the crap out of my breasts and upper arm), fussing, being held/worn, drooling, chewing on things, sleeping, being FREAKING ADORABLE and learning to sit up on her own, which she is getting quite good at.

So that’s my family and me. I hope you’ve enjoyed this little peek into who we are and I look forward to sharing more about us with you.